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New Year’s Eve and other cycle end markers such as birthdays have never had as much importance to me as this one. Why? In some ways I can’t wait for it to be over as if it is simply the end of a story and I get to start a new one in four days.

What if the end of the year (or a month or a week or a day or any cycle) were like the end of a movie? Would we turn it off, go to bed, and wake up to another day as if the events in the movie were just a story, a blip of memories floating around? Would we bother to watch the credits and thank all those who contributed to the making of it? Would we reflect and allow the recollections to stimulate our emotions again? Would we consider the ways it has impacted us—our beliefs, perceptions, assumptions, and choices?

A quick peek at some “2009 year in review” articles revealed lists of happenings with some judgmental commentary. I’m more curious about how these things and those events in our own lives have impacted us—changed us.

I want to bring this year to a close by acknowledging all the people, events, places, ideas, and things that made it possible, including my own ability to perceive as I have.

I want to acknowledge the impact–the changes in me, in my perceptions of myself, others, and the world.

Through this process I want to ring in the new year by using what I’ve learned to re-perceive a few things and drop a few assumptions—maybe write a re-vision…not like a do-over or a take-two, rather an updated version of the beliefs and assumptions that directed the 2009 movie.

I could probably use some wise soul guidance here.

Love you,

 

Lately I’ve been hearing people comment that we aren’t really in control and reciting the Yiddish proverb: “Man plans, God laughs,” that they’re being asked to have faith. Faith in what, I wonder. Don’t we all have faith in something…a lot of things? I realize the term typically refers to having a belief in God or something that cannot be proved, yet don’t we also have faith, without thinking about it, in things such as that the floor will be under our feet when we get out of bed?

Do we look at our unsuccessful attempts to create specific desired results and our illnesses as a sign that we’re not in control, therefore God must be, because we have faith in God? And then tell ourselves we must have faith…that God has a better plan for us? Or, when we succeed, thank God for giving us what we asked for? I know I’m simplifying this, but I wonder if we’d be better off to ask ourselves what we really have faith in and answer the question honestly. Is it a stupendously strong faith that keeps the ground under our feet? That allows us to witness our current perceptions of the physical universe? Is that stronger than our faith in God and his plans for us?

I know I’m stretching out there…

I recently had a conversation with someone and referenced something he’d talked about. He then told me he hadn’t said anything about that, but that it was true, he just hadn’t said it. Wait a minute! Don’t mess with my perception of reality—that I can tell the difference between a thought and a spoken statement. It’s pretty cool to be able to know things beyond the spoken and the physical, but it’s really helpful to know when it’s a “knowing” and when it’s a shared physical experience.

So, what do you have faith in? Your talents and abilities? God? That the sun will come out tomorrow? That the devil tempts us? If you treat others well, they will treat you well? That the other shoe will drop…eventually? That there’s more to our world that what we can see, hear, touch, taste, or smell? That there’s not?

What do I have faith in that I’m not aware of?

       Some things are best kept private.

I’m aware of that.

Yeah.

Love you,

Forgiveness. When does it begin? When we take our first breath? And do we just keep forgiving and receiving forgiveness with each consecutive breath? Perhaps it depends on frame of reference…you know, expecting more than someone can give and killing bugs are small offenses compared to rape and murder.

I remember struggling with the concept of saying “I’m sorry,” many years ago…to the point of actually writing an article about it for which I actually interviewed random people for opinions. At the time there was someone in my life who said “I’m sorry” a lot, but it didn’t feel as if he really meant it.

Now, on the other side of that coin, having said “I’m sorry” too many times, I have a different view—a conflicted view, like looking through a kaleidoscopic, cracked lens at the mixed feelings and mixed desires that drove mixed behaviors that lead to mixed messages and requisite apologies.

Sigh.

How unnecessarily convoluted of you; speaking the truth could serve quite nicely.

Ah.

It is for that that I now ask forgiveness.

Love you.

Sometimes I wish I were a caterpillar…

each cell going about its business

knowing without knowing

no need for faith

simply living

simply living

no need for faith

knowing without knowing

the business of change, of transforming,

becoming what the heart always intended.

December 2009
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